Monday, September 14, 2009

Why Me?

Once again, I am blown away by the graciousness of God and how unbelievably blessed I am. I have been really thinking about the fact that God chose me, he predestined me, he called me, and I just don’t get it.. I don’t know why. Why me? I was at this girl’s house this weekend and she started opening up to me and letting me into her life. She explained everything that happened to her and the crap that she has been involved in. She has had a lot of awful stuff happen, most of which is the consequence of her sin. As I continued to hang out with her and a few of her friends, my heart just broke because of their need for Jesus. It was so apparent that they were looking for love in all the wrong places. She was trying to find it in these guys who just abuse her. She is trying to find it in her friends who turn their back on her and at parties, alcohol and every other form of sin. Because of this, she is left hurt, broken, abused, and empty. But the world continues to lie to her and tell her that this is all she deserves and this is where she will eventually find happiness.

So I tell her about Jesus. I tell her that He is the only person that she is going to find true love and fulfillment. I share with her the gospel and the love story of Jesus Christ coming down to reconcile her back to him. I tell her that the life he has promised is true life and a life of fulfillment. I told her about how he has changed my life and the joy that I have from him. Jesus is offering this abundant life and what does she do? She says she doesn’t want it. It’s just not for her and she wants to continue to live the life she is living. What the heck? Why would she continue to desire the life that she is living, all the hurt and pain? It makes me so mad and angry at Satan and all his lies that he is telling people and how deceived people are.

Here I am, sitting at her house, watching the life that she is living. I am witnessing her roommate get in this huge argument with the father of her children who was come to get the kids because it’s “his weekend”. I’m looking at her kids who are watching their parents yelling and cuss at each other, the four year boy who asks his mom, “Do I have to go with him?” and then the three year old girl who is desperate for her fathers attention. All I want to do is take those kids and run from the whole situation.

The resonating question that was going through my mind was “Why me?” Why did God chose me? It could have been very easily turned around and I could be the one in their shoes. I could be the one completely deceived from the world and the reality of Jesus love. Not only that but why at the age of 22? I could of come to know him at the age of 40 after I married some jerk guy who didn’t love the Lord and have kids who have no idea who Jesus is. My life would look completely different. Once again, it’s completely over my head of the love that Jesus has for us and his desire to bless our life! I hate this world, I hate all the lies and people so badly need Jesus Christ!

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